Opening up the blog again...

.......So for the longest time, this blog has been private.  Before that it was public and I started feeling some angst about making my personal life so public.   However, I did enjoy sharing our milestones and family growth with our family and friends in such an easy way (BEFORE I privatized it).  It was easy for me, anyway.  After giving it some more thought, I have decided to once again make the blog public for mainly one reason, really: Eleanor.  


**If you are new to Little Ladies OR if you just need to get caught up, you can read more about Eleanor's forthcoming surgeries here and here.**


When we began searching for surgeons who would reconstruct Eleanor's ear and create an ear canal for her, it was overwhelming to say the least.  Luckily, there was (and is) a pretty active Yahoo group for parents of children with Microtia and Atresia but I've never been one to put myself out there in a format like that.  So I mostly trolled their discussion boards looking for more information.  Yup, I am a troller.  (are there 12 steps for that?)  But then I got to thinking, you know, maybe there are other people besides the five family members who read Little Ladies who might want to know what living with microtia and atresia is  like.  You know, what it's like to find THE surgeon across the country, make the big trips, deal with the aftermath physically and emotionally, schedule the subsequent trips, see the next surgeon, miss a month of school, freak out inside because your baby is about to go through this traumatic (albeit exciting) thing.  Etc. Etc. Etc.  


No one can understand the stress, fear, elation, pride, apprehension, worry, anxiety that goes along with something like this.  No one but you, your partner and other parents out there going through the very same thing.  I remember the day we got the news that our insurance would be covering the surgery.  I about threw up all over my $10 Target flats (yeah, $10, you read that right).  The relief was so great but it added a whole nother layer of stress that I was not expecting.  Good stress, but a stress nonetheless.  I called everyone on the planet that I could think of because I just needed to talk, to get it all out.  Garland couldn't talk because he was at work and others didn't answer.  Here I was alternating between crying and shaking and I had no outlet.  I finally got in touch with my sister, Courtenay, and she said, wisely, "Flann, I hate to tell you this but no one is ever going to understand what you are going through.  No one but you guys." And the reality of that sunk in: Is anyone ever going to fear for Eleanor the way we do?  Or burst with emotion when the insurance bill does or does not come?  Or burst with pride when she explains to anyone who listens that Dr. Kesser will be giving her an ear canal and this "really nice man" Dr. Brent will be giving her a new ear and piercing ears?  I'm sure not.  Some things you just have to do on your own.  


So here's what I am going to attempt to do.  I am going to attempt to chronicle our experience for curious family and friends and in the meantime, possibly reach other families--perhaps a family who has just had a baby with microtia and have NO CLUE what to expect.  Like us six years ago.  Or reach that family who just got the call from Dr. Brent saying, hey can you schedule this surgery date?  Like us a few months back.


If I reach even one person with this blog and this chronicle then I will have done what I set out to do.  Which is to make someone going through it feel better because they connected;  they connected with someone else who knows what it's like to feel that jumbled up mess of feelings, like five strands of Christmas lights that need to be unwound.  Except then you just simplify and go out to Wal-Mart and buy yourself a couple of new strands.  I'm just hoping that by 'buying' a new ear, our lives will be simplified, Eleanor's life will be simplified.  But the jury is out on that one.  I'll let you know.  


If you have made it through this lengthy missive, a big thank you.  And don't be afraid to leave me a comment because comments to us bloggers is like a virtual hug, you know.  It's hard to put yourself out there but sometimes it's for the better.  If you don't know how to comment on our blog, visit here for a little how to.